Step 3: Cutting Away Her Relationship Safety Net
When your girlfriend breaks up with you, it's often due to many factors. Frustration, pressure from friends, and many different other outside influences can all combine forces leading to her ending the relationship. When a woman does this, she's never going to be 100% sure about it. There will always be even the smallest of doubts.
For this very reason, she's going to want to see you around. Even if she's almost completely sure she wants to be without you, it's always nice to know you're sitting there waiting on the bench to be called back into the game should she change her mind. And if you're sitting there, patiently waiting? You become little more than her relationship safety net.
This is a bad position to be in. Seeing you hanging around waiting for her will boost her confidence and possibly even give her the reassurance she needs to determine that she did the right thing. When this happens, the breakup will stick... and that's when you'll lose her for good. Your goal here is to prevent this.
You do this by giving your ex a taste of what life will be like without you. Only by seeing this firsthand will she be forced to make that final decision as to whether or not she wants to risk losing you forever. Your ex-girlfriend will never have to make that choice while her safety net is still intact: knowing you'll come back to her at any time gives her a Plan B that she can always fall back on. Taking that plan away from her will make her nervous and scared of being alone, just in case her current Plan A fails. Soon after, she'll be thinking about you. Naturally this gets your ex missing you, which leads to your final goal: making her want you back.
Out of Sight is NOT Necessarily Out of Mind
In fact, quite the opposite. By now you should have accepted your breakup, and hopefully you've dropped completely off your ex girlfriend's map. If you've done things correctly, your ex is wondering where you went and how come you've been able to make such a clean break from her. After all, she's the one who ended things. She expects some sort of resistance from you on your part. If you haven't called, pleaded, begged, or stalked her by now... chances are she's wondering what she did wrong to deserve such a disappearing act on your part. All good stuff.
Don't just settle for getting your ex to take you back. There are specific ways to make your ex come back to you. When she does this all on her own, your future relationship will have a tremendous advantage. When she thinks the reconciliation was her own idea, the chances you'll stay together are greatly increased.
As time passes and you haven't contacted her, she'll actually get worried. Not worried for you, but worried for what this means to her. Perhaps for the first time, she'll wonder what could happen in the event she realizes that breaking up with you was a mistake. Women are very emotional creatures, and they change their minds often. Just as they love having many shoes and many outfits to pick from, they also want the ability to have many choices. Taking away her options is the best way to get your ex thinking about the relationship she just ended, presumably for good, with you.
By now your ex will start to seriously wonder why you haven't called yet. She may send friends out to snoop around, and this is a good sign. Until she knows what's going on with you, your ex girlfriend is going to play things on the safe side. And as you continue to ignore her, she'll get even more worried... and also a little bit intrigued. This is exactly what you want. Keep it up, and she'll eventually break down and try to contact you.
First Contact After the Breakup - Make Her Want You Back
If you've kept yourself from calling your ex girlfriend, haven't emailed or texted her, and have kept good on your promise to avoid contact... there's an extremely good chance you're about to get a phone call. Even better, you're now the one in the driver's seat. Your ex will now need to make up some lame excuse just to talk to you. Either way, she's going to keep the conversation very innocent and full of small talk, while at the same time trying to feel you out for any residual information.
The way you handle first contact with your ex girlfriend is very important. You'll need to know exactly what to say and what NOT to reveal to her. Too much too soon can be damaging here, so take it slow and check out the tips below:
The Rules and Regulations of First Contact
• Make it fast. Keeping this call quick and casual is vital to making sure it goes smoothly. You want to leave your ex happy that she got to speak to you, but still wanting more.
• Don't sound too excited, but at the same time, don't sound bored either. Ideally you want your ex to think you were busy doing something else when she called you. This makes her happy you stopped to talk to her, but it also shows her you're not just sitting around doing nothing, waiting for her call.
• Let her do the talking. By allowing your ex to speak she's going to eventually need to tell you why she called. No matter what reason she gives, accept it quickly so she needs to talk about another topic (preferably something closer to the real reason she called).
• When she asks how you've been doing, tell her you're doing good. Nothing more, nothing less. It's a nice noncommittal answer, and it's the truth.
• When she asks what you've been up to, let her know. Be vague where possible however, as you don't need to go into too much detail here. Keep her wondering. The less information you give now, the more reason she has to make a second call.
• Don't talk about the break up. No matter what happens, you should completely avoid talking about your relationship during this call. Your ex probably won't bring it up anyway, and you certainly shouldn't either.
• If you're still on the phone after 3 or 4 minutes, tell her you have to go. If she pushes for more time, tell her politely that you're going somewhere and offer to call her back later. Then either do that, or give her a call tomorrow.
When it comes to this initial phone call, there are lots of things that can go wrong. It's critical that you avoid making any major mistakes here. Some of the best advice on handling the tricky situation of first contact can be found here. Reading these tips will give you the confidence to talk smoothly with your ex again in any situation.
Planting The Seeds That Will Keep Her Interested
If you played your cards right, you just took a tremendous step in the direction of getting your girlfriend back. She should be even more confused than before she contacted you, because in all likelihood the call didn't go the way she expected. Your ex may be offput at how busy you were, or how casually you were able to handle talking to her again. She's also wondering where you have to go tonight, and might even be feeling a bit jealous.
All of this is exactly what you want. Making your ex girlfriend feel insecure about these things goes a long way toward severing the last few strings of her safety net.
Which leaves you clear to move on to Step 4: Having Fun Without Your Ex