The 10 Worst Mistakes Men Make While Trying to Get An Exgirlfriend Back
After a break up, most guys concentrate so much on winning back their girlfriend they don't realize that some of the very things they're doing are pushing her away. In the rush to send flowers, write love letters, and create mix CD's for your ex, you're actually making some huge mistakes that will make it harder for you to get her back later on.
When your relationship first ends, sometimes doing nothing is better than doing anything at all. It's very common to make errors that simply can't be undone, and these can very quickly cause your ex to run in the opposite direction. Understand what these mistakes are, and why it's wrong to make them. Below is a list of the top 10 mistakes guys make in trying to get back an ex girlfriend:
1) Mourning The Relationship
Let's face it, girls don't want to see a guy getting all weepy-eyed. As hard as getting dumped may be, any mourning you do for your lost relationship must be done indoors, alone, away from your ex girlfriend. Crying is a big sign of weakness. Women are looking for men who are strong, confident, and independant. Every tear you shed, every sniffle you make... you're one step further away from any respect your ex once had for you.
If you think you're showing your sensitive side, you're not. What you're showing is that your girlfriend had complete control of your happiness. You're giving your ex the upper hand here, and you're chipping away at any strength or resolve you might want to show later on. Getting an ex girfriend back is all about doing the exact opposite of what you think or feel you should be doing.
No matter how sad, depressed, or hopeless you might feel after losing your girlfriend, you'll need to tuck those emotions away for a while - especially in front of her or her friends. As odd as it sounds, you'll never win back her respect until she thinks you don't need her anymore. No girl wants to date someone who's needy, clingy, or emotional. Women need to feel safe and protected. If something like breaking up sends you into an crying, emotional tailspin, they're never going to forget it.
2) Professing Your Undying Love For Her
After a woman breaks up with you, it's natural to want to tell her all the things you're feeling. You probably loved your girlfriend very much, but didn't always tell or show her. Now that you've been dumped, you suddenly feel the need to spill all those feelings out on the table so she can see them. You'll write letters, you'll send flowers, you'll go into overdrive doing all those things that you should've been doing while you were together.
Bad move. These types of behaviors always backfire, and for a variety of reasons. The first is simple: it's too little too late. Your ex has been probably been waiting to hear these things for a long while - giving them to her now is like a slap in the face. She knows you're only doing this because she dumped you, so it doesn't mean anything to her. And while she might eat up some of the attention, she's only going to use it to reaffirm her decision that she should've gotten rid of you in the first place.
This also makes you look desperate. When an ex-girlfriend smells desperation all over you, she's going to be in no hurry to get back together. She'll enjoy it for a while, making you suffer. She'll go out, have some fun, tell her friends... all while you sit around thinking of new ways to let her know your feelings for her.
Stop this behavior before it starts. Or if you've already made these mistakes, refrain from making any more. The next contact you should be having with your ex girlfriend is simple: her calling to get back together with you because you've followed all the right steps toward making her want you back.
3) Promising Her That You'll Change
Ugh. This one's terrible. If you're at the point where you're promising your exgirlfriend that you can somehow "change" into the type of guy she wants, you're already in some very bad shape. You'll need to dig yourself out of this hole quickly, before things get worse. A good start? Read the 6 things that every guy should know about getting a girlfriend back.
Believe me when I tell you this: your girlfriend doesn't want you to change. She may want you to treat her better, show her more respect, maybe even take her out more. But your personality? That's yours, and it's what made you attractive to her in the first place. You couldn't change it even if you wanted to... and if you could, she'd probably lose interest in dating you.
Don't ever promise your ex that you'll change. She'll actually hold it against you when you don't. It's not like you can wave a wand and suddenly transform into the guy she's always wanted. Keep your identity, your sanity, and your respect. During the course of getting back together with your girlfriend, you'll learn ways to make her happy again, like you were in the beginning of your relationship. But you're never going to change the person you are.
4) Text Messaging Or Emailing Your Ex
This is an increasingly popular and spectacularly fast way to push your ex-girlfriend as far away from you as possible. Engaging in Email wars or text message terrorism is one of the worst things you can do. Not only will you say and do things you might regret later on, but your ex now has electronic record of each and every one of those things... to be pulled out and used against you whenever she feels like it.
As you become more frustrated with not being able to convince your ex to come back to you, you'll begin typing all kinds of things just to get a reaction from her. You'll start begging, pleading, cursing, and dishing out ultimatums (which you both know you'll never follow through on). All of these things will make you look weak and foolish. Worst of all, they're going to destroy any respect your ex might've still had for you.
Text messaging or emailing your ex is a desperate way of contact. It shows you're too cowardly to call her, or maybe she's not accepting your calls at all. Either way you're in a really bad position. The best course of action is total silence. Turn off your cellphone, throw away her email address, and give the both of you a chance to step back and cool down. The sudden lack of contact will make her wonder where you are, and will give her the sense that maybe you've given up on her. Which is actually good.
Steer clear of using these electronic modes of contact after a break up. It's always best to drop out of her sight for a while, and then when you do get back in touch with your ex? Talk or meet up face-to-face, where there's a lot less chance for miscommunication between the both of you.
5) Making Demands To See Her
This is a huge one. Some guys get so hurt by the rejection of a break up they actually start barking out orders. The most common demand is to see their ex face to face, because that's how they think they'll be able to convince her to take them back. They do this forcefully, or they do it by crying and begging for a meeting... both ways are equally awful, as they will cause your ex to immediately resent or pity you.
Meeting up with your ex girlfriend after she's ended your relationship is never constructive. In all likelihood her decision has already been made. You'll spend a tear-filled afternoon begging and pleading for reconciliation, or you'll spend it stomping around angrily while trying to intimidate her into taking you back.
You don't need to see your ex right now. Forget lunch, forget coffee, forget trying to set up some innocent little meeting. Your heart might be trying to convince the rest of you that just seeing you again will make her fly back into your arms. Your mind however, knows better. Demanding to see your ex girlfriend when she doesn't want to will actually reenforce her decision to break up with you, and it might even scare her away for good. You need to stay strong, keep your cool, and avoid this type of behavior.
For more errors men make while reversing a breakup, continue on to: The Top 5 Worst Mistakes
However, you should also be learning which actions you should be taking in order to win back your girlfriend. One of the best guides to reversing your break up can be downloaded below:
How To Get Her Back For Good by Dr. George Karanastasis
Designed exclusively for men looking to get back together with an ex girlfriend, this resource shows you why you'll need to throw logic out the window. The author's unique approach shows you exactly how a woman's mind works, and he explains why all of the things you've tried so far have failed to make your ex want you back.
You'll tailor a game plan that will get you right back into her head, and her heart. Instantly downloadable, you can begin learning these techniques in just a few minutes.
Continue to part 2 of: Top 5 Mistakes To Avoid While Trying to Get Your Ex Back