Getting Your Ex Back When She's Already Dating Someone Else
One of the worst things you'll ever go through is watching your ex walk away from your relationship and end up dating another guy. The very thought of them together turns your stomach, and the sight of them together might even make you physically ill. But rather than let someone you love just slip away, there are ways to fight your way back into your ex-girlfriend's arms. . . even if her heart temporarily belongs to someone else.
Winning your girlfriend back from another man requires extreme patience and total cool. It's a lot easier to let your guard down in this type of situation, revealing wave after wave of raw emotions that will very quickly drive her away for good. If you want a shot at making her yours again, you're going to need to demonstrate a very high level of self-control.
Grit Your Teeth... And Let Her Rebound
Right now, your ex is probably in a rebound relationship. She's enjoying a welcome distraction from having to think about the relationship she just ended with you. The beginning stages are going to be rosy for her, and there's not much you can do here to change her mind. She'd dismiss anything you'd say to her as pure jealousy anyway, and she'd feel vindicated to boot.
This is where you'll need to grin and bear it. As tough and heartwrenching as it is, you cannot challenge her (or especially him) on the new relationship. In fact, you shouldn't even acknowledge it at all - at least initially. You're going to need to drop out of sight for a while, allowing the honeymoon stages of your exgirlfriend's rebound relationship to finally subside. Disappearing helps the both of you here: you get to keep your sanity by not having to witness your girlfriend dating another guy, and she'll start wondering where the hell you went all of a sudden. This is exactly what you want to happen, and it's a necessary step to making her want you back.
Make Sure She Knows You've Accepted Her New Relationship
Some time after you've disconnected from your exgirlfriend, she's going to start poking around for you. She'll want to know what happened to you and most of all whether or not you're mad at her for dating someone else so quickly. In reality, she's testing to see if you still want her. It's nice to know she's still loved, just in case this new guy doesn't quite work out. This feeds her ego AND it satisfies her need for a relationship safety net. But you're going to give her none of these things.
When she does call or contact you in some way, you're actually going to be happy for her new relationship. This will be tough, but you'll need to suck it up and be the supportive exboyfriend who's glad she finally found someone suited for her. You can't show even a hint of jealousy here. . . you need to be a solid rock of pure indifference. This will shatter any confidence she had that you're going to sit around waiting for her. She'll be suddenly confused as to why it was so easy for you to walk away from the break up, and she may even start to wonder if you've got your own thing going on.
If your ex hasn't called you after three to four weeks of no contact, it's time for you to initiate that contact. There are several ways to do this, but some of the best opening moves for this can be found here.
Establish A Friendship Supported By Neutral Trust
In getting back your ex-girlfriend, you've got one major advantage going for you: the two of you know each other very well. Because of this, your ex may begin coming to you or calling you up for opinions on things. Over time, if she thinks you're handling things well, she'll start talking about her lovelife. Stay cool, be neutral, and never badmouth her current relationship... do this and you'll establish neutral trust. She'll keep coming back to you because the two of you shared a closeness and common bond, and you know her better than most people in her life right now.
Email, text-messages... it's all good here. No matter how your ex chooses to keep in touch with you, learn to roll with it. Making phone calls might be difficult for her around her new boyfriend, and for obvious reasons she'll keep any relationship you have together a secret. But emailing back and forth with your ex is a good way of getting her to open up, and it also allows you to be very careful with the types of answers you write back.
Hearing all about your ex's new boyfriend may be painful, but it's necessary. Consider it recon: you need to learn your enemy, spot weaknesses, and find the holes in the armor of your ex-girlfriend's new relationship. By giving her a place to speak freely without being judged (very important!) you're drawing her close to you again... while at the same time you're positioning yourself to know when the time is right to make a move. But for a while, you're going to need to do only one thing: listen. Don't challenge her relationship in any way, or make suggestions on what she should do. Be there for her when she wants to talk, and that's it for now.
You'll hear about good things, and you'll hear about bad. Eventually, you'll hear about fights she's having with her new boyfriend, and this is where things get interesting. Again, you cannot do anything but passively agree with her. If you initiate any negative words or advice toward her current relationship it will put your ex immediately on the defensive. Even if she was just bashing her new boyfriend for something he did, suddenly she'll be defending him against what she perceives to be an attack that you started. Stay neutral, and keep the end goal in sight: winning back your girlfriend.
Get Yourself To The Gym
This probably goes without saying, but one of the best ways to keep busy after a break up is to engage in physical exercise. You'll never get your ex back until you make her want you again, so there should be no better motivation for you to get ripped and ready. Pounding the pavement, hitting the treadmill, or slamming weights around is tremendously cathartic; you feel better, you look better, and you work a lot of frustration out while doing it.
On top of all that, you're accomplishing another important task vital to winning girlfriend back: disappearing from sight. When you're busy in the weight room you're not at home checking your messages or wondering if you should send her an email. Keeping active is the key to keeping a happy, clean head. Exercising is a win-win situation all around.
While girls aren't as visual as guys may be, nothing beats the shock value of seeing your ex looking and feeling great. Physically changing yourself for the better will cause your ex to stumble slightly when she sees you. Aside from being impressed, she'll wonder what other changes you've gone through since your relationship ended. Suddenly you're new and exciting as opposed to the same old guy she broke up with. You're also driven; a trait that's extremely attractive in the eyes of most women.
So hit the gym... swim some laps... get involved in an exercise class and meet some new people. Get outside while doing your exercise if you can, and add a nice even tan to your new look. And when you drop a few pounds? Head over to the store and get yourself some new outfits to complete the transformation. No one's suggesting a full makeover here, but when you feel and look better you're also going to perform better when it's time to make your move.
Be There For Your Ex Girlfriend... Then Take Yourself Away
Do everything correctly, and you can rapidly become your ex girlfriend's biggest shoulder to cry on whenever she senses something wrong in her relationship. You'll be given inside information on what her new boyfriend is doing incorrectly, and you can store this info for use later on. She'll be coming to you, an old familiar friend, for advice on how to handle certain situations that are bothering her. And so far? Your advice has never been wrong - probably because you haven't really given any.
Here's where you need to change things up. As good as it is to be talking to your ex girlfriend again, it's time to withdraw a bit so that she misses you. You've been giving her a very sympathetic ear... but watch what happens when you suddenly take that ear away. Don't answer every call she makes, and don't respond to every email she sends you. You're not playing games here, you're just withdrawing a little to make her take her own step forward. Skipping some of these connections is going to rattle your ex's world more than you think it might, because she's slowly built up a dependance on having you in her life.
Not being there for her each and every time she needs you is key to getting your ex back. She's going to want to know where you went all of a sudden, and what you've been doing. Be polite, but don't make apologies for not being around. If questioned, tell her you've just been busy. Be very non-specific about what you're up to. Up until now she's been talking about her own situation for so long, she's just assumed you'd always be in the same place you always were. But now that you're not? She'll wonder if you're finally moving on. This forces her to contemplate not having you in her life anymore - something she's never had to do up until now.
This is a tremendous part of getting her to want you again.
Continue on to: Getting Your Ex Back When She's Already Dating Someone - Part 2