Step 2: Drop Off Your Ex-girlfriend's Radar... Completely
Winning your girlfriend back involves making her want you again, and your ex won't want you back until she misses you. So guess what? Your ex can't miss you until you go away! This means you'll need to break all contact with your ex girlfriend right after the relationship ends.
As hard as it may be to stop yourself, calling your ex after a break up is the absolute worst thing you can do. If she dumped you, she's going to feel weirded out by seeing or hearing from you right now... the best thing to do is let her be. Showing up, calling, leaving messages... all of that stuff just puts her into a more and more awkward position. If you want her to miss you, you need to be totally gone from her sight.
What If My Ex Still Wants to Be Friends?
She doesn't. Either she said that to make you feel better (and let you down easy) or she really just wants to keep you 'around' just in case she changes her mind. Either way, disappearing from her radar is a major way of getting her to rethink things. It makes her wonder where you are, what you're doing, and why you haven't been miserably begging for her to take you back.
Don't ever fall for the "let's be friends" line of bullshit from any girl. You have enough friends... what you really want is a girlfriend. Even better, you want this girlfriend - the one who dumped you. So as hard is may be go to without seeing and hearing from her, you're going to need to grit your teeth and struggle through it. Don't call her, email her, or contact her in any way. If you work or go to school with her, try to avoid her whenever possible. This will actually be a little easier than you think, because if she broke up with you chances are she already feels weird about having to see you too.
Understand that when a woman breaks up with you, she's still going to be emotionally attached on some levels. She's going to supress those feelings of attachment by trying to avoid you. But you're going to do the opposite - you'll pull on and play those feelings against her, in order to get her thinking about being with you again. How do you do this? By completely avoiding her. For now, anyway. Later on there will be plenty of time to say all the things you want to say to her. But initially, you must completely let go if you want any chance at all of getting your ex back.
When I break up with a guy I don't want to rehash the relationship. I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to hear that he loves me... he should've thought of that while we were still together, not after we're apart.
An exboyfriend who keeps calling, emailing, texting... any guy who won't let go will quickly make me lose all respect for him. I'll start to wonder why I even dated him in the first place.
What If There's a Good Reason I Need to Contact Her?
Sorry, but there's not. Did you leave your favorite T-shirt at her house? Pick yourself out another favorite T-shirt. Does she have one of your DVD boxed sets? Too bad. Either suck it up and buy a new one, or wait until you're back together again to get your hands on it. After all, you're trying to win back your girlfriend, right? Have some faith that it will happen.
Besides, having a few things of yours over on her side of the fence isn't so bad after all. It gives her a visual reminder of the times you spent together. As time passes she's going to forget most of the bad stuff and remember the good things you did with each other... and every time she glances over at your favorite T-shirt maybe she'll think about you. Or even better, slip it on and go to bed in it.
The Possessive Boyfriend - How to Handle Losing Control
If you were one of those very possessive guys who always needed to know where your girl was and what she was doing... that could easily be one of the main reasons she broke up with you. Maybe it's time to face your bad behavior and try to correct it. If so, this step will be especially hard for you. The voice in your head that's screaming for contact must be silenced - it's time to grow up a little, here.
After your ex dumps you, you need to understand that you're not entitled to the same information you once took for granted. Your exgirlfriend's daily schedule is no longer your business, and you'll need to let go of trying to know about and control those things. If you can pull it off, this will actually be healthy for you. But it'll hurt twice as much as a non-possessive guy's break up would.
Can I Email My Ex? Send Her a Text-Message Just to Say Hello?
Don't do it. Many times, these methods of communication are even worse than calling her on the phone. Without a voice to back them up, it's so easy to misinterpret words as you're reading them on a screen. And besides, you'll need to completely break contact (yes, email counts as contact!) if you want her to miss you in the first place.
Try to picture your ex checking her phone after she dumps you... and finding nothing from you at all. No messages, no emails, no voicemail. What do you think goes through her mind at that point? That's right: YOU.
Your ex is not only going to be thinking about you, she's also going to be wondering what you're doing. Inwardly she needs you to still want her back. No matter how big or small her ego might be, it's going to demand that type of attention as justification for her decision. Seeing you chase after her or hearing that you're asking about her is food for her ego. It reinforces that she did the right thing, and it makes her feel better about letting you go.
But when she doesn't get those things? Doubt creeps in. Suddenly it seems as if you really didn't need her in the first place, and that whatever it is you're doing right now is more important than trying to mend your broken relationship. This will drive her nuts after a while, so by all means do it! This is a big part of what you want... it needs to happen this way if you want any chance of getting her back.
Do you really think she's concerned about you? Not even slightly. What she's doing here is trying to satisify her own ego by learning why she hasn't heard from you. No contact at all weirds a girl out even more than you contacting her all the time. The very act of you getting in touch with her is the justification she needs - not getting anything from your end will scare her a little bit.
Maybe you really didn't need her as much as she thought you did? Maybe breaking up with you didn't bother you one bit? These nagging doubts are an awesome way to get your ex thinking about you again. And the only way to execute this type of reversal is to avoid all contact with her, period. If you can pull this off correctly, you can have your exgirlfriend rethinking the breakup even before she hears your voice again.
Other Important Moves to Make During Those First Few Days
Dropping out of your girlfriend's sight is an important early part of winning her back. There are many ways to avoid contacting your ex during this critical time, but the best ones involve keeping yourself busy and not spending much time alone. Still, you'll need to be proactive in the early stages, and this involves knowing exactly what other things you should be doing.
The Magic of Making Up has some great tips and really cool tricks to help get you past those first few days after the end of your relationship. You'll learn the best ways to actually drive your ex crazy with wanting to know what it is that you've been up to! Right now, this is your best bet... and doing it will make it all the more easy to get your ex-girlfriend back later on. Check out these important techniques before moving any further.
And now, onto Step 3: Removing The Relationship Safety Net