Step 5: Reestablish a Connection Between You and Your Exgirlfriend
Up until now you've taken a pretty passive approach to getting your ex back. This is because before you can make any major move, you first need to be in a dominant position. If you've followed this guide so far, and done everything right, you should be just about ready to reinitiate contact with your exgirlfriend (if she hasn't already called you first!)
Put yourself in your ex's shoes for a minute. She breaks up with you, and you just go away. No calls, no emails, nothing at all. This has given her some alone time to reflect on your relationship, while at the same time wondering where you are and what you've been doing. Suddenly she hears you're out partying with friends, as if losing her was the best thing that ever happened to you. By now she's beyond curious.
Establishing a new connection with your girlfriend is your next move, and you'll need to be very careful with how you go about it. You can't come on too strongly here... in fact, you can't come on to her at all. Again, by doing the exact opposite of what you think you should do, you're going to make her even more interested in you then she ever would be if you were chasing her. Now's the time to resurface in and around her life, but not as a part of that life. This means being there, but at the same time not being there also.
Contacting Your Ex Girlfriend - The Right and Wrong Way to Do It
There are three main ways you can reconnect with your ex. Either she calls you, you call her, or you arrange to bump into her somewhere. All three of these connections will have pros and cons, so here's how to handle them individually.
She calls you - This is obviously the best case scenario. If your ex dials you up, you're probably golden - it's a solid indication you've been doing everything right so far. When you speak to her, try to be cool about it. Even if she trumps up a 'reason' to call you, remember that it probably took a lot of courage for her to dial those numbers.
You call her - If your ex hasn't contacted you by now, there are ways you can make the first move without losing ground. This type of ice-breaking phone call is an extremely tricky to pull off, so you'll need to know exactly what to do and not do. There are even ways to get her to call you. Check out the best tips and techniques for handling this situation.
Running into your ex - This can happen accidentally, or you can orchistrate it yourself. If you work or go to school with your exgirlfriend, accomplishing this type of meeting can be easy. If not, you may need the help of a friend or two to come up with a scenario where you can run into her. Either way, you obviously need to keep it from looking staged. Try to be slick about it.
Talking To Your Ex Girlfriend - How to Keep it Quick and Casual
When you finally speak to your ex again, you'll need to avoid making the worst possible mistake of all time: getting too excited. Hearing from her again can stir up a whole bunch of buried emotions, and it's easy to fall back into the same old way you talked to her when you was your girlfriend. As tough as it is, you can't do that. Connecting too quickly will cause you to pour your heart out all at once, and it's going to scare her away before you even know what you did.
By keeping the conversation light and casual, you're eliminating the risk of saying anything stupid that you might regret. You can be glad to hear from her, but you cannot sound desperate. If you do, even just a little bit, your ex is going to know it immediately. You don't want to blow this, so be very careful with it.
Most of all, I want to hear him say that he misses me. When I hear this, I know I have him.
Women are expecting many things during first contact with an ex, but reassurance is the one thing they want the most. So should you give it to them? Or should you continue doing the opposite of what you think you should do? Read on:
Things to Keep In Mind When Speaking With An Ex-Girlfriend
• You should be happy to hear from her, but make sure you stay in control of your feelings. If she called you, let her talk first so she can explain why. Whatever her reason, accept it easily and without challenge.
• If your ex says she misses you, you can respond in turn - but don't be too direct about it. Tell her that you miss hanging out with her. This lets her know you miss her company, but you're also holding back too.
• Chances are she'll feel awkward and make a lot of small talk. Let her. You can make your own conversation here, but don't talk too much. It's best to let your ex do most of the speaking.
• If she asks what you've been up to, tell her. If you were out with friends having fun, let her know. If you went somewhere with family, tell her that too. Don't make anything up or embellish anything trying to get her jealous.
• Whatever you do, DON'T talk about your past relationship. If she happens to bring it up, stay very silent about it. If she presses, tell her only that you wish things "didn't end the way they did". This unlocks the door for her, somewhat. If your ex is thinking at all of getting back together with you, she wants to know she should proceed.
• Under no circumstances should you discuss the breakup. Even if she might want to talk about it a little, try to save it for another time. You need to keep things extremely casual right now, and too much too quickly is always bad.
Emailing and Text-Messaging
There's a very strong chance your ex might try to initiate first contact through email or text messaging. Why? Because it's a very noncommittal way of saying hello, and it doesn't require any direct contact. She can choose her words carefully, think about what she wants to say, and respond when ready.
Although it's generally a good sign when your ex girlfriend emails you, you should still consider this move to be somewhat of a copout. It's better to make her call you - and you can do this by ignoring her first few messages. Not answering will make her wonder if you're angry at her or, even better, that perhaps you just don't care anymore. Both results are good in making her even more curious about what you're doing.
If you really want to throw her off guard, call her up as soon as she sends you that email or text. She'll be completely unprepared for such a direct response, and you'll probably have her at a loss for words. A simple "Hey, I got your message... what's up?" will go a long way toward putting you in the driver's seat. Follow the above bullet points, and keep the conversation short and casual.
You've got to be careful with who you call though. I'd never call an ex who's still trying to get me back. If a guy thinks you're leading him on, he never goes away. A simple phone call turns into a big ray of hope for some guys.
Be careful of the above phone call. Making the wrong move here can send you right into the "friend zone". Winning back your girlfriend requires you to act as if you don't care whether or not she comes back. If you haven't yet convinced her of this, you'll need to be extremely nonchalant and cool about how you speak to her.
When this type of call comes, try to put aside your emotions for a minute. Take anything she says only at face value - nothing more, nothing less. Your ex probably wanted to hear from you, but there's a good chance she was just lonely that night. Don't take the ball and run with it - in fact, don't pick the ball up at all. Answer her questions, wish her well, and give her an emotionless goodbye. These things will keep her thinking about you long after she hangs up.
Getting Your Girlfriend Back - Contact Is Only Half The Battle
Remember that your ultimate goal is to create a new long-term relationship with your exgirlfriend. Reconnecting with her is only another step in that direction. After first contact you still need to tread carefully. Move too quickly or fall too fast and you'll soon be right back where you started from - and this time it might hurt twice as much. Don't lose sight of what you want by looking only at what you want right now. Stay on target, and remember to follow through with the complete process.
If everything went smoothly, your conversation probably ended on a solid note. Both you and your ex should feel good about having gotten to speak to each other again, and the biggest part of the ice-breaking is over. Hopefully one or both of you promised to call again soon. Each call should get progressively easier, and the conversation better. When you finally feel comfortable enough, ask your ex-girlfriend if she'd like to meet you somewhere for a cup of coffee or to just talk about stuff.
Nice Job! You've graduated to Step 6: The Reunion Date
But What if My Ex-Girlfriend Hasn't Called Me Yet?
If your ex hasn't initiated a phone call or any other contact with you just yet, don't panic. Despite following the previous steps in this guide, it's possible you haven't heard from her yet. Either she needs a bit more time or a little more prodding. Each way, there's good news: there are a whole bunch of other things you can do that will influence your ex into making that phone call.
Winning back your girlfriend is all about knowing what to do. The more information you're armed with, the better your chances. By learning these other methods, you can pick the one that's best for your own current situation. There are many tips that will help get your ex to call you, and an equal number of techniques showing you the best ways to initiate contact yourself.
One good example is to pick one of the best places you ever went together - maybe a resturant where you know she had a great time. Send your ex an email telling her you went there recently and thought of her. And by the way, how's she been doing? Little ice-breakers like this are friendly and casual, and your ex is likely to respond in a very friendly way to them. Using other techniques you can work your way up to that first phone call.
The above is just one example of a good opening move to make when establishing contact with your ex girlfriend. For a bunch of other great ideas to help reconnect, be sure to check out The Magic of Making Up.
When the two of you are ready to meet again, move on to Step 6: The Reunion Date